(This part was written a while ago)
Different people deal with things in different ways. Once back in high school I had great friend who dated a girl he didn’t care a lot about. He liked her just fine, but it was clear to everyone (including him) that he didn’t love her (whatever that means where you’re 16). He dated her for the longest time until they finally broke up, when he then proceeded to cry harder than I’ve seen anyone cry in my entire life. The change was quite scary.
I make jokes. Not for a living and not in front of a microphone, but when things get tough I like to make light of it. I do this for two major reasons. One is because I believe that nothing is as bad as you think it is, usually after a week life goes on and everything seems far less upsetting. And the second is because I hate feeling sad, and usually when I get sad it’s for a really long time.
I can discuss things that really need to be discussed. It’s not like I am incapable of dealing with things or that I refuse to — I’m not that guy. It’s just that if I’m given the choice of being down about something, or making shitty joke to lighten the tension… well, I’d take the latter 99.5% of the time!
So unfortunately right now the jokes have run out and I am dealing with two of the most “real” things I have dealt with in my life. I have a friend, an amazing friend, who is about to have a surgery that is completely life-altering and scary. And on top of that I am dealing with family matters I never imagined dealing with. Certainly not yet. But I’ll leave the family stuff out of this.
I guess the thing that hits me t2he hardest is that I really didn’t think this was a thing that a 29-year old had to deal with. I mean, I don’t think I am “young” and I know the times of dealing with kiddie stuff are behind me, but dealing with the mortality of a friend is just a terrifying experience I thought I had time to avoid.
I have been lucky that in my life I have lost very few people that were super influential on my life. In fact, I can name those people on one hands; my grandfather, “Little Nan” (who one day I will write an awesome blog post about, I promise), and Justin – a very close friend from uni.
I have been sheltered from this type of horrible loss. I have healthy parents, a niece who amazes me every day, and most of the people who are “young and healthy” in my life have a respect for mortality and take relative care of themselves.
(This part was written today)
Months later I feel like we’ve cheated death. I say “we’ve” quite cheaply since I haven’t dealt with any of this, but my heart has ached as hard as anyone else so I feel at least a small piece of justification.
My friend is doing amazingly well, all things considered. After two horrible and invasive operations his tumor was reduced by 99% and he has undergone chemotherapy that will hopefully next week prove to have been effective and life shall return to as normal as it ever was.
But I guess for a guy who likes to joke his way out of things I can sometimes speak about the hard stuff. Even though it’s my least favorite thing to do…